Quarantine Chronicles - First Edition

Ah technology... What a remarkable, incredible, magnificent, horrible, waste-land mankind has created, amirite?

I mean, it just depends on what kind of day you’re having! Maybe you want to look at hilarious videos of goats in pajamas, (which was something I didn’t know I needed in my life until my good friends Amy and Deci introduced me to them on my birthday.) or whether you want to find some Reddit thread hating all women for existing and having the nerve to not even give YOU the time of day. (I mean, how dare these bitches, right? What? Do they think they have their own minds or something? Don’t they know they’re property! Any broad would be lucky to have me!)


Oh gosh, yes, they’re out there. They’re called Incels. I just gave you a taste but sure.. if you wanna get angry at the pure audacity of anything… look ‘em up.


From innocent to evil, from pure to dirty, from knowledge to incredible stupidity and everything in between, you can find it on the good ol’ world wide web. For someone like me, who is way more Dom than anyone else, (Of course I’ll have a Shadow Resistance reference here… READ THE DAMN BOOK) growing up feeling like a lonely outcast made the internet a place to go when you’re too awkward to be sociable in the real world.

With the current pandemic and the Stay at Home plan in effect, the internet has REALLY come with it with the memes, tech upgrades to allow us to interact even remotely, and all the bells in whistles to try to help us pass the time while people way smarter than us figure out how the hell to kill this damn virus.


As mentioned before, my family is close and we’re still dealing with the grief of losing my sister. This makes it much harder since we can’t really see each other. My mother is among the very high risk people, and I just can’t chance that I may pick up the virus and pass it to her. So this leads me to a not so shiny aspect of technology;

The video call.

My mother and my brother have taken to video calling me from time to time. To be honest, most of the time I miss the calls. (Not on purpose, I just miss them.) Today was the first day I actually caught one. As we chatted, teased, laughed, had a moment to miss my sister and my brother’s dad, and got caught up on everything, we turned our discussion to the current pandemic and politics. OF COURSE we discussed the recent comments made by y’alls president inquiring whether injecting or ingesting disinfectant could help kill the virus in patients.


Now, I’m not all that good on the science stuff… My father is a surgical registered nurse and has been my whole life. He has been married to my step mother who is an orthopedic surgeon. I grew up around doctors and nurses, but to be honest, I never had an interest in it. BUT… Even *I* knew that was an insane and dangerous comment to make.


After discussing the news reports of people ACTUALLY DOING THIS MADNESS (No seriously… they are.) I had to lighten the mood. So I turned to reminiscing about an event that happened when I was a toddler. It happened when I was about 2 1/2 or almost 3. I remember teetering my happy ass into the family bathroom and going under the sink. There I spied a bottle of apple juice. I was perplexed. Even at that age, I knew that apple juice did not live in the bathroom. Always the helpful child, I decided I should remove the problem. I THEN decided that it looked quite refreshing and that I could go for a nice drink of apple juice. So I helped myself.


It tasted funny; and it burned.


The next part, I don't fully recall; you'd have to ask my parents or my brother. I don't remember how I got caught on the floor of the bathroom gagging on the Pine Sol my toddler mind just knew was apple juice. I DO recall the treatment, however. My father burned me two slices of toast and basically forced fed it to me. (I mean look, my palate was no where as refined as it is now, but even at 2ish I knew burnt toast was... as I would've said back then... "yucky.") I recall the treatment because in retrospect, I wondered WHY my father THE NURSE force fed me burnt toast instead of taking me to the hospital or something....


Then I remembered... hey... he's a nurse dummy.


Anyway, as we discussed this story I said, "I wonder if I'm now immune to the virus because of that. Maybe they can make an antibody from my blood or something."


My brother suggested I give plasma to see, but I hear that hurts, so I think he's just being a jerk.


Guys... I drank Pine Sol for the following reasons: I was TWO (and some change), I happened to be out of eye-shot from the adults, and I couldn't read...cause I was TWO.


Please continue to follow the social distancing guidelines laid out by the doctors at the CDC... you know.. the ones who went to school for what they do? I can't believe we are being led by someone who suggests ingesting or injecting disinfectant into our systems to try to combat this virus. That's not science, that's stupid...


Also... Two year old B.J. wants me to tell you, it's also very yucky.


~Fin~



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